Have some things to write about from last night.
Particularly anxiety. And anxiety related to money/influence/etc. What I do truely want vs what is a mirage. I think overall still very much trying to find myself and it's not done yet. Probably a lot of writing that is going to be all over the place. A constant battle, but I think it's trending in a good direction.
switch it up.
umm, I am very excited about tomorrow. Just getting a bunch of people together to have a dinner with eachother. I cannot think of a better thing to do. Just buying the food today put a smile on my face. I fucking cannot wait to do this for the rest of my life in some capacity. Bringing brilliant minds together to chat about whatever. Let's hope they can be from different perspectives as well so we can get deep into thinking and solving some problems. I am so lucky to have such a great group of friends. Damn.
switch it up.
yeah the anxiety right. I think the biggest thing yesterday was the fear. The fear that I might not end up with anyone. But I don't think this is a justified fear. I think I have met a lot of fantastic people so far and I will continue to do so. I think tomorrow is a testament to this. I am meeting some new people and revitalizing old connections. So no matter what it's growth. I guess the real fear that hit me doubly hard was that by having money that will happen to me. But I am still not sure if I want money or not. Of course I want some to be able to live. But I really want the freedom to do a lot of things outside of just work. I want to be able to have these dinner parties and not worry about work. There are bigger things that we can solve together. Really this is to say, again, I really do want to be in a position where I can do these things and not worry about the money at all. Beyond that have the freedom of lifestyle that will allow for me to do this, and have a lot of brillant conversations along the way. I think money really is a byproduct. I do just want to be my authentic self, which is having my hands and opinions in a lot of different areas trying to continously shape them. I do wonder if a podcast is a good avenue for me, and what it would be called and what it would be about. I do love asking questions and feel the best conversations sometimes are the ones I have with new people. I think one of the first people I would love to have on is Alex. Maybe we can do a few flavors of it too. I also would love to have Kev on, but we have to be careful with that one. Obviously Em and Jon. All of these people are fucking fascinating and have extremely interesting ideas. I would just want to poke at these ideas more. Fuck it could be pretty cool. Maybe could be a fun side project. Oh Baylynne too. AGH EVERYONE. I WANT EVERYONE. PEOPLE I HANG WITH.
switch it up.
fit today was on point if you ask me, feel like an outdoors bum, but still look decent. lmao. perfect to climb in, then go to the mall wtf. just feeling confident
switch it up.
smile bitch
switch it up.
lesson learned today. don't build fragile systems. mostly meaning my iOS apps. fucking hell the backend for them is so trash. time to simplify and make robust. fuck this crazy ass nonsense I invented.